


No Homo Howell

by ticklishpickle



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 07:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15214568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ticklishpickle/pseuds/ticklishpickle
Summary: Dan and Phil are just two platonic bros. Dan doesn't care what his best friend Louise has to say about it. He's allowed to be straight and think that Phil has the most breathtaking eyes he's ever seen, okay?(Or 3.7k words of Dan denying The Gay™)





	No Homo Howell

“Look buddy, I don’t know what to tell you but that Lester kid is just my mate and nothing more. I’m not gay!” Dan shrugged his shoulders and smiled at his friend Louise from across the table. 

 

“Kay… if you say so, Dan.” Louise smirked and went to back to typing furiously on her laptop. Their literature essays were due the next day, and Louise and Dan had left theirs to the last minute as expected. 

 

Dan laughed to himself, thinking at the ridiculousness of Louise’s implication. Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t homophobic in the slightest. He just wasn’t gay. Ever since he’d befriended an older student in their university, Phil Lester, Louise had been teasing him about it to no end. He wasn’t annoyed, not really. It’s just that the mere idea of him being attracted to a male was laughable. He was straighter than a ruler. He’d met Phil on his first day of university, when he was just a small, hopeful freshman boy entering the big world. Dan had been amazed by how cool Phil’s hair was, how it always flopped on his forehead perfectly. Going up to the older boy and asking him about his hair care routine had been one of the best decisions of his life, now he was best PLATONIC bros with the nicest guy on campus. 

Louise just didn’t understand that as a normal heterosexual dude, Dan could have a really close connection with another guy, maybe even cuddle him from time to time and admire him without it being gay. The mere thought of Phil and him being anything more than just a couple of bros was hilarious to Dan. He laughed out loud a little at this, causing Louise to ask,

 

“What’s got you so happy? Thinking about Phil again?” 

 

Dan laughed even more and shook his head at the idea. 

 

“You wish.” He said, and with that he finally started on the literature essay that was due the next day.

 

-

 

Dan had finally done it. He’d finished the goddamn essay. It had taken a lot of blood, sweat and tears (mostly Louise’s for having to have her study interrupted by Dan’s constant whining) but it was done. Yep, leaving the essay to the very last minute definitely wasn’t a good idea. Dan could confidently say that what he handed in wasn’t a complete piece of shit, and that it might even be enough to earn a distinction. After pressing the ‘submit’ button with a great sense of satisfaction, he immediately went to text Phil the good news of his essay completion, hoping they’d be able to hang out. It had been too long since he’d seen his bro- two days, 13 hours and 5 minutes to be exact. 

 

_ Dan: Just finished my essay, you free right now buddy? _

 

The response was immediate.

 

_ Phil: THAT’S AWESOME!!! :DDD Wanna go to the arcade now? It’s unlimited plays on Thursdays.  _

 

Dan smiled at his phone and threw his coat on, preparing to leave for Phil’s dorm room before typing out a quick response.

 

_ Dan: Yes!! I’ll be at yours in five <3  _

 

“Louise, I’m going out with Phil. I’ll be back later tonight probably.” 

 

“Okay Dan, just don’t forget to use protection. We wouldn’t want Phil getting you pregnant now would we?” He heard his friend’s teasing voice holler back. 

 

“You can tease all you want, but it will have to end when I get a girlfriend one of these days. She might actually believe the shit that you say!” Dan exclaimed, shaking his head in amusement but slight frustration. Louise would literally not shut up about this, and this time it had annoyed him more than usual for some reason. Dan sighed and shook his head. He was not going to dwell on this. He had a  _ platonic  _ bro to attend to.

 

-

 

Anyone would have thought Dan was high, the way he was acting in the arcade with Phil. He’d been clutching his stomach for who knows how long, laughing at a joke Phil had told five minutes ago. 

 

“Seriously Dan, it wasn’t even that funny!” Phil reprimanded, though he was laughing too and his tone held nothing but fondness for his friend. 

 

“Yes it was! I’m literally dying Phil!” Dan replied between giggles. 

 

Moments like these made Dan feel even more grateful than usual that he could call someone as hilarious and kind as Phil Lester his friend. They’d only been at the arcade for a total of 2 hours but Phil had somehow managed to make Dan burst into countless fits of laughter already. Hanging out with Phil was easy, he didn’t need to be anyone but himself and dare he say it but, he was starting to think Phil was his  _ best bro.  _

 

After a solid five more minutes of laughing hysterically, Dan finally settled down and decided to challenge Phil to a game. 

 

“Alright Laddy-P, how would you like to get your ass owned by me in a game of table hockey?” Dan asked, his eyes twinkling and his mouth turning up at the corners. Dan was amazing at table hockey, and having only known Phil for two months, Phil had not had the pleasure of having his ass owned by Dan… yet. 

 

Phil smirked, his eyes dancing as if he knew something that Dan didn’t. 

 

“Okay Dan. But it’s your ass that’s gonna get owned.” 

 

-

 

So close. The game had been so damn close but the end result? Phil had won. He’d shot his puck into Dan’s hole at the very last second, causing Dan to whine like a little child. Now he’d have to accept defeat, and endure Phil’s gloating for the whole car ride back to the dorms. Great. Okay look, Dan was being a little dramatic. If he had let his hand slip at the last second, allowing Phil to get the goal, just to see that little smile on Phil’s face that he loved so much, that was no one’s business but his own. And he didn’t really hate Phil’s gloating. It was kind of cute… in a totally heterosexual way. 

 

They were walking back to Phil’s car, Phil practically jumping with glee. 

 

“PHIL LESTER FROM MANCHESTER IS SIMPLY THE BESTER!” Phil exclaimed, bursting into laughter at his own silly phrasing. Dan noticed the hopeful look of anticipation on Phil’s face that always seemed to appear whenever he told a joke. Dan knew Phil was always trying hard to make him laugh, but he couldn’t judge him for it because Dan was exactly the same. 

 

“You dork.” Dan replied simply, smiling at the childlike nature of the boy who was quickly becoming his favourite person. Phil suddenly stopped walking and turned to face Dan, still laughing. Dan gave his friend a questioning look. 

 

“What is it now you meme?” 

 

Phil looked down mid-giggle, silky black hair falling in front of his blue eyes. He shyly glanced down at Dan’s hand, for reasons Dan didn’t quite understand. Phil cleared his throat nervously and took a step towards Dan. Dan resisted his better judgement of taking a step back and stood his place, feeling some indescribable force keeping him in place. Before he realised what he was doing, Dan was brushing Phil’s black fringe out of his face. His friend’s gorgeous blue eyes should not be hiding behind hair. As much as Dan loved Phil’s hair, he’d noticed many times how exquisite his eyes were. They were a mixture of blue, green and yellow, and seemed to shine with kindness every time Dan looked into them. Dan felt like he was dreaming, he had no idea what was happening and why he was feeling so…. strange. 

 

It came as a surprise to both Dan and Phil when the words “Your eyes are pretty.” were breathed out of Dan, his voice soft and airy.    
  
Phil’s eyes widened as he blushed, looking down once again. 

 

Fuck. 

 

He wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Dan thought that Phil’s eyes were the most beautiful things he’d ever seen in a totally  _ platonic  _ way. He couldn’t let Phil get the wrong idea and make the friendship awkward. Thinking fast, Dan attempted to rectify the situation. 

“Uh… I mean, your eyes are pretty,  _ no homo. _ ”  Dan shot finger guns at his friend for added effect. 

 

Much better. Dan mentally applauded himself for his genius recovery. 

  
“U-Um… t-thanks Dan. Yours are too.” 

 

Something stirred inside Dan’s stomach at this. Something odd. He felt a little warm and fuzzy and… randomly happy? Wow, he must have been prouder than he thought about his ‘no homo’ recovery.    
  
Dan tried to shake off any lingering feelings of awkwardness, and decided to let himself enjoy the rest of his night with his friend. 

 

-

 

In the weeks that followed their outing, Dan was still feeling off. Dan and Phil had grown even closer following that night, hanging out nearly every day and texting whenever they weren’t together. 

 

They’d grown physically closer too, sharing more hugs, holding hands to preserve heat when the weather was cold. Sometimes, after a long video game session together, Dan would find himself sleepily cuddling up to Phil. Only out of convenience, of course. His bed was so far away, and falling asleep in a human source of warmth that was readily available was much more favourable for someone as lazy as Dan. 

 

One Friday night, Dan and Phil were doing just so. Cuddling lazily under a blanket, idly chatting about how many mushrooms Mario would be able to shove up his anus before he’d shit himself.

 

“At least two, I reckon.” 

 

“Only two? Jumping around so much, Mario would be sure to have a gaping anus. It would be clenching and unclenching all the time.” Dan responded thoughtfully, snuggling himself even further into Phil’s warm arms. How did he get so lucky to get a  _ best friend  _ who was so warm and snuggly, and always held him when he was cold, or sometimes even when he wasn’t. Phil was so considerate in that way, always cuddling Dan even on warmer nights,  ‘just in case the cold comes creeping back’, in Phil’s words. Truly a great friend. 

 

Phil hummed thoughtfully, gently placing his chin on the top of Dan’s head. 

 

“But the mushrooms are quite large, especially in proportion to Mario’s body. I don’t think more than two could fit up his butt.” 

 

Dan opened his mouth to respond, but was rudely interrupted. 

 

“Do I even want to know what you two are talking about?” Louise teased, setting the grocery bags down on the counter. 

 

“How many mushrooms could fit up Mario’s anus before he explodes.” Phil explained nonchalantly, looking up at Louise and smiling. 

 

Louise huffed in amusement, shaking her head. 

 

“You guys are so weird.” Louise rustled through one of the grocery bags for something. 

  
“But definitely not more than one. Those mushrooms are like, half the size of poor Mario’s body.” 

 

Dan snuggled in closer to Phil, as impossible as it seemed considering how close they already were, and smiled. Phil responded by wrapping his arms even tighter around the younger boy and softly nosing his hair. 

 

“I still think he could fit two.” Dan replied idly, leaning in closer to Phil as he started playing with his soft brown hair. 

 

“Hm. I guess that adds another item to the list of things we don’t agree on.” Louise quickly glanced at Dan and Phil’s position, smirking. 

 

“Anyway I’ll be off. I’ve got some sleep to catch up on. Don’t be too loud with… whatever it is you two do alone together.” And with that, Louise had disappeared into her bedroom leaving Dan and Phil alone once again.

 

“What was that about?” 

 

Shit. Dan knew exactly what that was about. But Phil couldn’t know. It would make their friendship weird. Knowing that Dan’s best friend shipped him and Phil together would ruin everything!

 

“Um… nothing! She’s just a light sleeper and I’ve woken her up when I’ve played video games late at night before. That’s all. Literally nothing else, okay?” Dan rushed out, his cheeks turning pink. 

 

Phil looked skeptical, but whatever he was thinking he didn’t say. He let out a forced laugh before continuing the previous conversation. 

 

“Ok… but definitely more than two could fit up his anus. He’s a strong man.” 

 

-

 

Phil left Dan and Louise’s dorm around midnight, despite both boys’ unwillingness for Phil to leave. Unfortunately, university didn’t care whether the boys had enough sleepovers to satisfy them or not and so Phil was forced to go home and sleep in order to not die of exhaustion during his 9am lecture. Phil had reluctantly exited the dorm with the promise of another hang out the following evening, this time in Phil’s dorm. 

 

The following day was probably one of the worst of Dan’s life. First, he’d spilled milk all over his favourite pyjamas and he was forced to do  _ laundry _ ! As if he was a normal adult or something! Then, he stubbed his toe on the kitchen counter, a single tear falling from his eye as he did so. He’d stumbled to the couch, nursing his hurt toe and wanting nothing more than to browse on Tumblr. But alas, the wifi was down. Just what Dan needed. 

 

By the time Louise got back, Dan was practically ready to shit himself in frustration. (Not that he would. That would be weird.) 

 

Dan heard the familiar sound of the door opening and turned his head to see his dorm mate entering the room, blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders.

 

“How was it?” Dan enquired, secretly not caring that much about how Louise’s bland parents were faring. He had more important things to care about. Like his injured toe, or the malfunctioning wifi. 

 

“It was fine. Same-old, same-old you know? Still the same disgusting in love couple after 30 years of marriage.” 

 

“That’s a little cute I must admit, even if they are bland.” Dan mused, opening his laptop again, trying in vain to connect to the internet. 

 

“Ah of course. It gives me high hopes for your and Phil’s future.” 

 

That was it. Dan had had a shitty enough day without Louise’s presumptuous, invasive, and most importantly  _ baseless _ comments. He slammed his laptop shut so fast he thought it would break. He slowly turned behind him to face Louise, who was sitting smugly on one of the kitchen stools, legs crossed like she knew something Dan didn’t.

 

“Excuse me?” Dan gritted out, praying for Louise’s, and his own sake that he had misheard.

 

“You know, your future with your  _ boyfriend _ Phil. Why is this confusing you?”

 

Dan swore he could feel his arteries bursting in anger, if that even was a thing. He sharply inhaled once and pursed his lips before responding as calmly as he could (which was not very calm at all). 

 

“I’ve told you this before. Phil and I are just platonic bros. There’s nothing more to it! I am a heterosexual man who very much dislikes it when he is accused of being anything else!” 

 

Louise rolled her eyes.

 

“So you’ve never had an even, slightly gay thought about Phil?” 

 

“Not once.” Dan spat, his eyes narrowed with fury. But Louise wasn’t scared. She knew Dan for the meme he was.

 

“You don’t even, maybe, think his eyes are pretty?” Louise said coyly, her sharp eyebrows raised.

 

Dan opened his mouth to say something, before stopping himself. After a second, he continued, teeth gritted.

 

“I am allowed to be straight and think that Phil has pretty eyes, okay? Only an idiot would think they’re anything less than dazzling.” 

 

Louise just looked at her friend in amusement, shaking her head.   
  


“Okay.” she said nonchalantly, amused but not petty enough to want to continue the fight with Dan any longer. 

 

“And I’m allowed to be straight and want to hold his hand, and have the thought of him dating anyone else killing me inside, and- and to want to take him out to a nice restaurant and kiss him softly under the moonlight!” 

 

Dan’s voice was a whole mix of things- strangled, furious, but most of all, conflicted. 

 

The silence in the air following Dan’s outburst was painful. For a good few moments Louise and Dan were just looking at each other with shock on their faces, Dan breathing heavily with his fists still clenched.

 

“Dan, I-” Louise tried to comfort her obviously conflicted friend but it was too late, he was already out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him.

 

-

 

Dan had no idea what the fuck happened back there with Louise, but he knew it was her fault. She aggravated him to no end- she wouldn’t let him be who he wanted to be. Which was straight. Surely this was heterophobia or something! Dan knocked raptly on the door in front of him thrice, impatient to get inside and be comforted by his favourite person.

 

In seconds, Phil was at the door, his black hair tousled and his black glasses framing his small face perfectly. He was probably Dan’s best looking friend.

 

“Oh- hey Dan! What are you doing here?” Phil waved his hand, silently inviting Dan in.

 

Dan stomped in before pulling his shoes off, throwing them angrily on the carpet like a child. 

 

“Dan, what’s wrong?” Phil asked, picking up the shoes and placing them on his shoe rack. What a nerd. 

 

“It’s ridiculous! Louise won’t shut up about the ridiculous idea of you and me dating! She keeps saying I’m not straight when I obviously am. The damn woman can’t, or won’t accept the fact that we’re just platonic BROS!!!” Dan paced around, pulling at his soft brown hair angrily.

 

Phil remained silent, but for what he failed to express verbally he certainly expressed physically. His face had fallen dramatically, his bottom lip sticking out a little and his soft blue eyes expressing more pain than the kind man ever deserved to feel. 

 

Dan was snapped out of his funk immediately for concern of his best bro. 

 

“Phil? What’s wrong?” Dan had instinctively wrapped his arms around his friend. Phil looked up at Dan, briefly letting their eyes meet before burying his face into his friend’s chest.

 

“Nothing…”

 

“Phil, what is it?” Dan began to pet his bro’s soft hair to soothe him. There was a beat of silence before, 

 

“I-I just thought, that um, maybe there was something more.” 

 

Dan’s stomach dropped. He felt like there was a rock stuck in his throat. Surely this couldn’t be what he thought it meant. It couldn’t. Dan braced himself before asking the question that would change the fate of his entire friendship with Phil.

 

“Something more as in, um, what Louise thinks we are?” Dan gulped. 

 

Phil stepped out of Dan’s embrace, hugging himself at the loss of warmth. His blue eyes were still sad, Dan noted.

 

“Well, yeah. I thought you knew I liked you, and I don’t know, was I completely misguided to think that maybe you liked me back?” 

 

Dan took a step back from Phil, trying to ignore the hurt look that deepened on Phil’s face as he did so.    
  
“Woah, woah, woah bro…. I don’t know where you got that idea from. I’m completely straight. Sorry. Just because I have the ever-present urge to kiss the ever loving heck out of you whenever we’re together doesn’t mean that I like you.” Dan scoffed, rolling his eyes and chuckling a little.

 

“Dan, that’s gay.” Phil said finally, looking at Dan like he’d just shoved four mushrooms up his ass.

 

“No it’s not.”    
  
“Yes it is.” Phil took a step forward, a refreshed look of determination in his eyes. Dan was scared.

 

“I’m straight.” Dan argued, taking a step back. 

 

“As a rainbow.” Phil countered taking another step towards Dan.

 

“I’m really sorry, but it’s not gay!” Dan took his largest step yet back, palms beginning to sweat when he realised he’d been backed into a wall.

 

Phil looked Dan dead in the eyes, glancing down at the younger boy’s soft lips. 

 

“Well if that’s not, then this certainly is.” was the last thing Dan heard before another set of lips were pressed into his own. Dan’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head before Phil began moving his lips against his, and instead the brown-haired man moaned, melting into his friend. His eyes fluttered shut as they continued kissing, and soon he found his hands tangling in Phil’s silky black hair. How did it even get that soft?

 

After what felt like forever, Phil finally pulled away, gasping for breath. He blushed when he realised how dangerously low his hands had travelled, retracting them from Dan’s lower back immediately. He looked at Dan shyly, still very afraid of rejection even after what had been the most amazing kiss of both boys’ lives.

 

“So….” Dan was the first to speak, his nervous tone matching his face that had turned bright red from embarrassment. 

 

“Maybe we should start dating…” Dan coughed nervously, terrified of what Phil’s reply would be even though the odds were looking to be in his favour. 

 

“Yes!” Phil responded immediately, the pain in his beautiful blue eyes finally dissolved, instead alight with what could only be described as pure contentment.    
  
“Wait. I wasn’t finished. Maybe we should start dating,  _ no homo _ ?” Dan looked at Phil expectantly, eager to get the talking done with so that they could go back to doing certain things.

 

Phil simply glared at him, his lips pursed in disappointment.

 

Dan waited for a bit, hoping Phil would come around to his less than ideal terms and conditions of their dating, but Phil was still glaring after an entire minute.

 

“Ugh, fine. Yes homo.” Dan forced himself to say, wincing the whole time.    
  
His struggles were compensated with a peck on the lips and an overjoyed Phil Lester wrapping him up into a hug. He was engulfed in the wonderful man’s warmth, his heart was leaping with excitement and he finally admitted to himself that he was not straight, and that perhaps he and Phil were just a  _ little _ more than two platonic bros. Maybe. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Lol it took me a month to write this because I have procrastination issues and also year 12 :( but hope everyone enjoyed and please leave comments cause they warm my cold dead vegan heart <3


End file.
